2010 Country Music Marathon - What Training?

by Kurt Herron
(Nashville TN)

I started training on January 18 – in the snow. I started training again on February 20, again on March 6, March 18, March 25, and a final time on April 11 – two weeks before the marathon. Now I know you are all wondering how in the world can someone start training 5 times for the same race. Well if you’ve read any of my other stories, you know I’m not your typical world class runner and don’t do anything the normal way.

When I started training on January 8, it was snowing. I ran the 4 mile loop and said well now that is something to build on. But the weather was so cold and we had so much snow, that I just couldn’t get in the mood. I started a second time with a 4 mile run and was feeling real good about that when I came down sick with some kind of bacteria that moved into my thyroid. I got better and started a 3rd time running yet again that 4 mile loop when Cindy’s mother went into the hospital.

The 4th time brought on a pulled calf muscle. A 5th attempt (the 4 mile loop) saw the pollen count nearly 700. A normal pollen count is around 150-200. The pollen count for that week reached 900 which made breathing difficult. It stayed around that level and I couldn’t run 1 mile without hacking and coughing. The final start was desperation. A typical training schedule is 13 weeks, not 2.

As I have said in my previous stories, I don’t recommend people taking my advice for training. For one thing, I broke one very important training rule. I learned really early in my running “career” that you don’t do the same distance each day you run. You mix it up so your body and mind don’t get used to one distance. During my training, I never ran more than 4 miles without stopping. Now I might run 4, walk a little, and run some more. But I just couldn’t get my mind past that 4 mile mark.

Now while I can kick the crap out of 4 miles, my abacus says that is a little short of 26.2 So running the full marathon, as Vince McMahon would say, has “no chance”. I started devising a strategy. Unlike last year when I felt great and trained for the marathon, this year, the first step of strategy was to convince myself to, um, just put one foot in front of the other.

I decided I would run 4 miles, walk 1, run 4 miles, walk 1, and run the remaining 3.1 to the finish. That ain’t gonna happen. The first 6 miles of the race is predominately uphill and I haven’t trained. So I thought, walk 4 miles, run 1, walk 4, run 1, and play the last 3.1 by ear. Only problem is I wouldn’t finish until noon on Tuesday. The race starts at 7:00am Saturday. No chance on that happening. The only strategy left-SURVIVE!

Of course, no race is complete without some kind of health problem. I developed a rash that lasted several weeks and it kept getting worse. I went to the doctor the week of the race and they gave me a Prednisone pack. Wow, just what I needed – STEROIDS. I’m going to compete with the Kenyans now. Then I looked at my fat belly and realized there’s no chance of that happening. I have more fat in my gut than they have in their entire body.

I’ll bet you a million dollars though, you’ve never met anyone who has 2 different Roid stories of running a marathon. (see the 2007 Country Music Half Marathon) Leave it to me. This is now Roid Race 2. I know what you’re thinking. Is there any chance we might get to the race? Yes, yes we can. See, cause now I am on steroids and things are speeding up to 7 miles an hour, maybe even 7.5.

Storms are moving in on Friday night. Saturday is suppose to bring winds of 15-20 miles an hour with tornadoes. Now for a runner, breeze is good, wind is bad. Tornadoes, well I’m not real keen on experiencing that scenario. The contingency plan is anyone behind a 10:20 pace or 4:30 marathon will be diverted to the half.

Because of the wave start, I am not expecting to see the starting line until 30 minutes after the start of the race. That means I will have to run a 4 hour marathon to make the cutoff spot. Guess what, NO CHANCE! So whether I wanted to run the full or not, they are going to make that decision for me. I am not a quitter this year. I decide to run in swim shorts since it is forecasts 100% chance of rain. Now while have run races in swim shorts before, this is the first time I expect to actually need them.

FINALLY, we reach Race day. It is raining from the time I get up at 4:00am until I arrive at Centennial Park, about 5:45. I should have put on my shower cap instead of my running cap. I keep looking for Stephanie Abrams or Jim Cantore, but all I see is, well, not really anything, since it is dark and raining. About 6:00, the rain stops and we get our TeamRio picture taken. This is the first event I have done with them this year due to all the “life” distractions. (Thank you to everyone who donated. We didn’t quite reach my goal but every little bit helps.)

It is here that I meet Moses. Did the tribulation
start and I miss something? I thought he was suppose to be in Jerusalem not Nashville. Now ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, I have been beaten by a lot of people and animals. But I have never been beaten by a 3500 year old. Today doesn’t look good for him. After all, I am on steroids-and he’s carrying a staff.

They decide to start the race 15 minutes early since the heavier storms are closing in on us. I am at the starting line and I realize two things. Number 1, I really need to pee. Number 2, I am not in the mood to run this race anymore than the man in the moon. But here I am and here we go. Twenty-six minutes after the race starts, I cross the starting line. Now as I told you, I have to pee real badly. My first mile is 10:40. A little past the first mile mark, I peel off into McDonalds and it wasn’t to eat an Egg McMuffin. But unlike the first roid race, it wasn’t to attend to hemorrhoids either. Five minutes later I am back on the course a little lighter. TeamRio’s trainer, Billy Smith, kept saying, “run with a purpose”. Today’s purpose is to beat the tornadoes.

So to be perfectly honest, I am not paying much attention to the bands or my surroundings. I get to the 4 mile mark feeling really good. But of course, me running past 4 miles without stopping this year is just not going to happen. So I walk a short distance and start back running. The sun is out and it is perfect weather to run. My 10K time is 1:09. Not bad for only training 2 weeks and 4 miles at a time. But, I am farther than I have run this year, yet I’m still not half way through . However, the next 4 miles are
predominately downhill. So now I start running a little faster. I do have a purpose after all. I cover those next 4 miles in 46 minutes. I AM ON A ROID RAGE, SO LOOK OUT!

We are at mile 10 and they are informing us the marathon course is closed, everyone is doing the half now. Oh darn. I was looking forward to running in the storm and tornadoes. The skies are getting dark, I mean really dark. The wind starts blowing. I complete the next 1.2 mile in 10:39. This is the cutoff and we head into Bicentennial Mall. It’s a beautiful run but I am starting to wear out. Then I remember, “run with a purpose, and beat the tornadoes”. Those clouds are moving in and it is really getting dark now. I’m used to running at night, but this is really strange.

A girl passes me with a shirt that reads “I run so good, it hurts to watch”. Now boys and girls, I don’t like to criticize people who run. At least they are out there running. But this poor girl really did hurt to watch. I affectionately nicknamed her the windmill girl. Her arms were going in a circular motion like she was swatting flies. Her legs were somehow doing the same kind of motion. I couldn’t replicate this if I had to. I thought, “I hope I don’t look that bad while I run”. Oh crap, I’m not running right now, I’m walking. Another one makes me eat their dust.

I start up the last hill and can feel the rain starting to fall. I pick up the pace. As we pass over the bridge with about ¾ of a mile to go, I am passing people left and right. I even pass the 5 hour marathon pace setter. I am kicking it. Roid Rage 2 is kicking in. Get out of my way! One turn left, about 2/5 of a mile and, and, and, oh no my legs give out. I am looking at the 13 mile marker dead in the face and think “what are you doing? Here are all these people cheering, about 1/10 of a mile to go and you are walking? What the”. I pick it back up and sprint the rest of the way in.

As I cross the finish line the bottom drops out of the rain bucket. I mean it poured down. Moses must have dropped his staff. But I beat the tornadoes. And I beat the Kenyans! Yes for the first time in my life, I beat the Kenyans. Now I don’t want to hear all the technicalities of the Iceland volcano keeping their flight grounded and they didn’t make it over here to run. My time was 2 hours 30 minutes and 53 seconds. What was theirs?

Since they had to cut the race short, all runners with marathon numbers got a marathon finisher’s medal. I didn’t have the heart to tell them I wasn’t doing the full to begin with. But….but, I have no shame. I have no pride. I have no conscience. I am keeping y 26.2 mile medal and I am telling people I ran the race in 2:30.53. It has been a couple of weeks and a historical flood since the race. So I dare them to test me for steroids or take my medal back.

As with all races, I try to learn a life lesson. This lesson is: Jesus can walk on water. Moses can part the Red Sea. I run like a duck. Plus: no amount of steroids can help me win the race.

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